Today is hard as we are missing Riley so much on our first Thanksgiving without him. It's not that he loved Thanksgiving day so much (he hated turkey!) it is the other "simple traditions" that we did on this day for so many years with him. It was a "free day" for Rob and Riley to have fun together playing video games until their hearts were content, a "No Rules" holiday in the Coenen house. It was the day that I would put up the Christmas tree and other Christmas decorations (Yes, I was one of THOSE people) and he would help me with it all, playing with his favorite ornaments and getting so excited about Jack the Elf making his arrival the next morning.
On days like these, a sign from our angel can help comfort us so much. Well, I just found one....When Riley would say something that really touched me or that was super funny and I wanted to make sure I would remember it, I would jot it down on my phone and email it to myself so I could always remember it.... I found this quote from him today that I emailed to myself on February 29, 2016:
"I love to cuddle my mom because her face is like
tiny roses touching my heart"
Yes, our boy often had a way with words that would make my heart melt, as you can see here. I miss his heartfelt words and unabashed affection, even at 10 years old he was not afraid to show it. I miss those out-of-the-blue "I love you mama. You are the best mama a son could wish for" moments. I miss his sweet smile and his kind and giving personality. But most of all, I just miss him being by my side every day and seeing what each day would bring for us. #rememberingriley #rileysrainbows
I was waiting on a prescription at Walgreens today and as I was walking around the store I was reminded of so many memories of things Riley and I enjoyed together during the holiday season. I thought I would take photos and share them here as a form of #photogrief.
I have just started reading about this and apparently there are different forms of #photogrief and one is taking photos of things you see that the person you are grieving would have loved. So here goes.
1) We used to count the cars that had the reindeer noses and antlers, Rudolph Car Costumes, have a contest on who could find the most on each car trip. He usually won of course.
2) Riley loved, I mean LOVED, to snuggle up in soft, cozy blankets and often sported my super cushy lavender robe around the house so that he could wrap his whole body in all of the warmth and softness - I'm pretty sure this Star Wars Snuggie would have been a hit with him.
3) We used to love to drive around our neighborhood looking at Christmas lights whenever we would come home from somewhere after dark. Last year we saw a couple of houses with these "star showers" and he thought they were the coolest thing ever. He probably would be begging us this year to get these for our house.
I am obviously heartbroken when I think of all the things we will be missing out on this Christmas season without Riley, the list is long when I think of our fun traditions throughout his ten years, but I am also grateful for the memories I have to look back on.
To be sure, his view of the stars now blows away anything I could purchase in Walgreens. #hewouldhavelovedthis #rememberingriley #rileysrainbows