Today is hard as we are missing Riley so much on our first Thanksgiving without him. It's not that he loved Thanksgiving day so much (he hated turkey!) it is the other "simple traditions" that we did on this day for so many years with him. It was a "free day" for Rob and Riley to have fun together playing video games until their hearts were content, a "No Rules" holiday in the Coenen house. It was the day that I would put up the Christmas tree and other Christmas decorations (Yes, I was one of THOSE people) and he would help me with it all, playing with his favorite ornaments and getting so excited about Jack the Elf making his arrival the next morning.
On days like these, a sign from our angel can help comfort us so much. Well, I just found one....When Riley would say something that really touched me or that was super funny and I wanted to make sure I would remember it, I would jot it down on my phone and email it to myself so I could always remember it.... I found this quote from him today that I emailed to myself on February 29, 2016:
"I love to cuddle my mom because her face is like
tiny roses touching my heart"
Yes, our boy often had a way with words that would make my heart melt, as you can see here. I miss his heartfelt words and unabashed affection, even at 10 years old he was not afraid to show it. I miss those out-of-the-blue "I love you mama. You are the best mama a son could wish for" moments. I miss his sweet smile and his kind and giving personality. But most of all, I just miss him being by my side every day and seeing what each day would bring for us. #rememberingriley #rileysrainbows
Love letters. They came in all different forms, shapes and sizes from Riley. He loved to play with my label maker, so of course, some love letters were composed on it as well. Little things mean so much now. They hold memories so dear.
I miss you so very much my sweet boy and hold you in my heart until we meet again.
❤️🌈😇 #rileysrainbows #rememberingriley #loveletters
Today marks three months without our sweet boy. Throughout this difficult time we have been fortunate to have some signs from above sent down to us from our sweet angel. Here is the story of another ....
Last night I was having a particularly rough patch and went up to Riley's room to lay on his bed and talk to him, let out some tears and to pray. During this time, I asked for another sign as I knew the following day (today) would be hard and a sign from my sweet angel would bring me hope going into the next morning. After my time in his room, I walked into his playroom to find a small toy to bring with me to the cemetery today when I go to visit. I found a Pikachu toy that was perfect because it would remind me to tell him all about the new Pokemon Go craze. (Riley used to include sometime in his nightly prayers that God would make Pokemon real and also asked this in a note to Santa one year!)
Once I found the toy I decided to go to his room and find the matching Pokémon card of Pikachu. The binder of cards is in his closet and it took me a while to find it. As I was looking through his Pokémon cards I was remembering the times that we would lay them all out on the living room floor and organize them. It seemed like forever to do it, but we had so much fun bonding over his love for Pokémon and it brought back many good memories.
Once I found the card, I had a "nudge" to open up his school backpack that was sitting in the closet beside the binder. I had gone through it before and not found anything but had this feeling that I needed to go through it again. As I opened it up I got chills and had a sense that Riley was with me. There was nothing in the backpack except for his matching lunch bag. Even though I had gone through it before as well, I had another "nudge" to go through it again, so I did. In the very front pocket of the lunch bag there was a "lunchbox love note" I had written to him. I left these often and he always loved them and would even ask if I had forgotten to send one in a while. At the bottom of this particular note there was an arrow written in pencil pointing towards the back of the card. When I turned the card over there was a simple "I love you" written in pencil in Riley's handwriting. Of all of the "lunchbox love notes" that I had ever written I have never seen where he has written back to me on one. There was my sign from my beautiful angel. I cried and thanked him for my sign knowing that it would bring comfort to me going into this difficult day.
I miss Riley every single moment of every single day, but knowing that he's in Heaven watching out for me and his Dad and that his love is all around us gives me the hope to move forward into another day. I love you so very much our sweet "B"! #rileysrainbows #rememberingriley #loveneverdies #lunchboxlovenotes